I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
