Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
