She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize