So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
