Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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