I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
