Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
