Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm too high and old for this...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
