Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's always time for handjobs
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
