Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize