hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
