cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize