I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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