My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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