remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
