pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
