He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize