I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize