No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
