I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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