he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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