Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
