I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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