My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
