why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
