I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize