we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
