I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
