theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
