Pants 0. Shit 1.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
