I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
