i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
