dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
