Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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