i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
