I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
