You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Vodka?
Forever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
