I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
