Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize