This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
