oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
