I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I AM VODKA MAN
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
