this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
