the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
