i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
