It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
