And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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