I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
