ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
