We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
