I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
