Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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