grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
