i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
