My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
