I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize