and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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