I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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