1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
