OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize