All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I need moral support for this bender
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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