You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I came so hard my ears popped.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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