then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
