Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
