she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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