Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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