sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
