I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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