This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
