I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize