please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
