I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize