Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
