There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
