I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
