i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The adults are the big ones right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
