Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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