WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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