Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
