cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
