He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
