I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
