last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
