so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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