I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
