whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize