I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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