the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
