glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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