So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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