kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
