he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
