someone owes me an orgasm
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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