I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I understand Curling. That high.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
