Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
