so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Randomize
