Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize