I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
