this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
