For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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