The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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