after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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