Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
