Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
