I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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